doomed causes and heroic efforts (part2)

“To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die
: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to…
(Hamlet, 3. 1)

Man, I think I find myself in the most horrible kind of catch22, the kind where the situation isn’t caused by someone or something out in the world, but its a catch22 caused by the way my mind itself works. Its like a stupid flaw in my character, a conflict in priorities. In case I lost anyone, let me clarify what i’m talking about: its a struggle in my own head to follow my own personal code of ethics in a modern world that simply dosn’t make concessions for such things. I guess it comes down to me putting in an heroic effort to live by my personal code of ethics when in this day and age its almost a doomed cause and impracticality to try and live such a life, DAMMIT, i know its all futile, but i cant help trying to do it all anyways, and if i give in, i feel even worst then having tried and failed, which is bad nuff as is. Its like 1)abandon everything that matters and have no worries or 2)have pure worries while fighting for the things that matter: and lets be reasonable, the first option seems the logical one, but with somethings i just cant put down my own personal code. i wanna hear what you guys think of all this, and in what situations did u run into this delimna, maybe help me figure out where i stand on this myself.
p.s. to anyone that cares, damn post is so late because even if u have mad struggles with your personal code of ethics, life just marches on as usual…but expect more regular posts after this. peace

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