My Tamil Inferiority Complex

As I listened to a very brave person describe her own inferiority complex over her Jewish heritage, I really became clear about my own deepest feelings about being Tamil. The truth is deep down I do carry an inward feeling of inferiority concerning my Tamil identity. I don’t express this internal feeling of inferiority often, I mask it with an almost militant love of all things Tamil. I’ve only really expressed my own internal issues about being Tamil to very few people(and they have been very special people and special occasions that dont come very often). In fact I’ve never really admitted it to myself until right now. I guess one reason I could never really face up to the feeling was because it was so irrational, when I logically and rationally examined my own feelings of inferiority about Tamils – it just didn’t make sense; but years of racist conditioning, even generations of negative conditioning, thanks to colonialism, can have that effect. This has finally led me to confront some very important internal dialogues motivating my own participation in Tamil community projects, specifically my SELP project “memories of a nation”. Alot of my internal goals have been to improve Tamils and to improve peoples perception of them. This isn’t to say I don’t have a deep love for the Tamil people and culture as a whole – but still the nagging sense that I have something to prove to the rest of the world, that I can over come my heritage still lurks in the shadows. this is something I really want to be complete with before I begin to interact with the youth in the community and my SELP project – because this all about empowering the Tamil community – not rehabilitating or compensating for it.

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